Wednesday, May 28, 2008

You'd get the couch you deserved...

What if, when you were first born, *snap* a house popped into existence in Afterlife Land. It'd be an empty house. Totally blank. No color, no windows, no nothin'.

Throughout your life, you earn your furnishings. Sweethearts might earn huge, beautiful bay windows and deliciously comfy armchairs that miraculously still look sleek and modern. They'd die and wake to find themselves lying on the bed of their dreams, in the room of their dreams, in the house of their dreams.

But baddies would end up in houses furnished with some of the following:
- Chez lounge upholstered in rusty nails
- Angry fire ant rug
- Dry ice smoothie dispenser
- Clap on lights that require 17 and a half claps
- Razor blade-covered ottomans
- Hot asphalt floors
- Fly tape table cloths
- Red-hot iron flat ware

When people piss me off by being total jerks, I like to think that they just earned themselves some shattered-glass slippers... That and that later in the day they'll stub their toe so badly it bleeds. (Ugh - Just thinking about it makes me cringe!)

Good thing I'm not a baddie.

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